Over three years ago, I wrote all about my struggle fitting into a very specific mold that all clothing stores seemed to cater to. I wrote about how poorly I felt about myself, my weight, my whole body, actually. It was an extremely intimidating thing to open up about, more so because it forced me to talk honestly about the way I had always felt about myself. It didn't bother me to write about it for anyone out there to read, I knew opening up would be cathartic for me, but also helpful to somebody out there who felt the exact same way I did. I wasn't in the best place, physically or mentally, but the feedback I got from that post really cheered me up for a while, at least. That post is the closest I ever got to talk about mental health on this blog, which is a topic I want to dive further into in the future, since it's so close to my heart.
It came to me, as I was scrolling through my old posts, this post in particular stood out like a sore thumb. Three years later, I had a change of heart about myself and my body. It didn't happen overnight, it didn't come as the grand finale of some new age romantic comedy like Isn't It Romantic? I guess it was one of those changes that just naturally rolls in as you get older (and maybe a little bit wiser?). Maybe it's the fact that the Jonas Brothers are back, but I was suddenly confronted with the shocking reality that, maybe, my assessment three years ago was completely off. As I'm currently once again obsessed with Sucker (it's seriously taking over all my playlists, I might need professional help), I started mulling over my teen years and my perception of reality back then. I realised that perception might have been distorted and I never truly realised it before.
Three years ago, I wasn't lying when I poured my heart out on that post. I firmly believed in everything I said. To me, back then, it was reality. Nowadays, I'm not so sure. I was really annoyed by this, it kept nagging me, so I had to do some research to make sure I had my facts straight. So I dug deeper and started searching for old pictures of myself from when I was a teen, in the hope I'd confront them with what I had engraved in my mind. Mind you, photos of me from back then are a rare thing to find. For the most part, I hated taking pictures, especially because I never felt they looked like they should. I wasn't happy and I didn't really want to take pictures to save that to reminisce later on. I didn't want to remember the way I looked or felt back then. Thankfully, that had also been around the time I had begun posting on Tumblr, in a time when every style blogger out there was posting OOTDs, so naturally I did the same. So there were still those pictures out there, hidden underneath thousands of other posts.
Now, I have to be frank with you guys: back then, all of these outfits (ok, maybe not all of them, but the great majority) were ridiculously staged. Honestly, most of the pictures had really cute outfits I just put on for the photo and then quickly traded for a baggy knit sweater I could hide my figure in. The outfits don't reflect my state of mind back then, but they did serve their purpose - they showed me how off I was in my head about the way my body looked back then. It's frightening to be confronted with pictures of myself from back then. Not because I looked worse than I thought, but because I looked better than I ever believed myself to be back then. I was in disbelief as I saw my body in a completely different light, to the point where I was having doubts it was even my own body from way back when. It didn't look like me, it didn't feel like me either. It wasn't me, or at least the idea I had of myself back then.
Naturally, I turned to my mother for a reality check. I needed a third party perspective of myself, of all those years I spent loathing myself. Obviously, my mother isn't really neutral when it comes to this topic, but I can always count on her to be mostly frank, especially with these kind of topics. She perused all of those old photos, teased me for not dressing anything like I did in the photos (outfits she actually preferred over my baggy ones, which she not so secretly hated), but overall she simply came to reinforce what had dawned on me: the idea I had of my teenage body had nothing to do with the real thing.
Sorry for the low res photos, but trust me, back then I didn't have the budget for either a nice phone or a nice camera, so crappy 5mp resolution was all I had to work with! Honestly, looking back at these photos, I felt so detached from them? I remember taking all of them, the way I was feeling, what I was doing, but I don't remember looking like that. I don't remember not having to worry about my stomach fat. I don't remember not hating the way I looked, even though I hate nothing about the way I look in any of those photos. I'd like to tell myself I'd act a lot more confident had I realised I looked that way, but I know that's not true. Honestly, I truly do believe everything ties in with my lack of confidence, in my body and myself, I suppose. Maybe that's why, nowadays, I don't feel as self-conscious as I did back then whenever I walk into a changing room and why I never leave empty handed like back then.
It would be easier to tell you I lost weight or worked out and that's why I gained more confidence in my body and myself. That I ate right and did everything to become healthy, both physically and mentally. Sadly, I can't summarise everything I went through to get here just with that. If I'm being honest, I did almost none of those for most of the past three years. I only started going regularly to the gym this year, I still hardly ever eat the way I'm supposed to. I don't think that has anything to do with the change I went through. Back when I was a teenager, I wanted to look like everyone whose style I fangirled over - Eleanor Calder, Danielle Bernstein, Kendall Jenner. I wanted to be skinny.
Being skinny had nothing to do with being happy. In those photos up there, I was a size 40 (EU) or an L in most stores. My size still hasn't changed to this day. I didn't grow thinner, if anything I'd even admit I've grown thicker? I'm curvier than I was as a teenager, I still have some extra pounds around my stomach, my thighs are stronger as well. I'm going the opposite way of what I set out for my body when I was younger, but for the past three years I've grown a lot more confident. Maybe it has something to do with my influences? Instead of aspiring to have Kendall Jenner's body, I now take style inspiration from people like Sierra, Lucy, Karina, Holly and many more midsize girls who are out there spreading the body positive vibes I desperately needed in my life! Whatever it was, I'm happy I'm in a better place right now. Also, in case you were wondering, I actually gained like 5kg in muscle since that old post, but I'm happier, so who actually cares how much I weigh anymore? I sure don't!
I like to think of myself as the complete opposite of an impulse buyer. I make lists, I compare prices and I weigh in all of the pros and cons before making a purchase to make sure my hard earned money doesn't go to waste. It used to work out for me really well until a couple of months ago. Slowly, I started buying more out of impulse. Whenever a new drugstore release popped up all over Instagram and every blog I read, I felt the need to buy it, not only to see if it was worth the hype, but also to keep up with what my readers might want to hear about here on the blog.
I'm pretty sure this is something all of us bloggers go through, every now and again. We are constantly on social media, taking in all kinds of different ideas and we tend to get so wrapped up in the entire world of blogging that we can lose touch of our reality. As much as we see some people haul 100€ worth of makeup every week like it's no big deal, the harsh reality is that I don't have that kind of money to spend every month, let alone every week. I can't afford to try out every single drugstore release, especially when some of the items are things I have no actual use for in my daily life. Let's be honest, as much as the metallic lip trend was something I loved to admire from afar on Instagram and Youtube, it's not exactly something I can rock to the office, is it?
By the end of August, I had finally come back to my senses while I was doing a massive clear out of my makeup collection. After only keeping what I actually used enough to justify the purchase, I realised I needed to drastically cut back on my spendings, at least when it came to makeup. Not only that, but fall was also approaching, so I had to prioritise my spendings into updating my closet for the season rather than using it to buy yet another foundation when I still have 5 unfinished bottles glaring back at me from their drawer. That's when I decided I wouldn't purchase any more makeup until the end of 2016 (except whenever something ran out, then I was allowed to buy a back up). And I've got to say, so far I've been doing a great job, if I do say so myself!
I'm not going to lie and say it's been easy. It really hasn't, especially now that both Kat Von D and Huda Beauty are finally being sold at Sephora here in Portugal. I've been tempted plenty of times, but I always try to remind myself not to jump onto the hype train because, believe it or not, I can live on without Kat Von D's Bow and Arrow or Huda Beauty's Trendsetter. On the plus side, I've been able to invest in better clothes and expand my rather small closet. I've also fallen back in love with some of the items in my current makeup collection that used to be hidden in a sea of clutter.
Of course, this doesn't mean I'm never again going to hop onto that hype train. I know I am, eventually. Am I finally going to try out Bow and Arrow or Trendsetter in January? Probably! But I like to think I'll have a better perspective when it comes to my purchases and I'll be able to limit those impulse buys to what I actually want to use or might even need, rather than what everybody in the beauty community is gushing over at the moment.
So don't worry, I'm not going to stop writting about makeup because of this ban. Only two more months (and a half) for it to be over, anyways! Instead, I'm going to focus on what I already have on my collection until the year ends. And, of course, already start working on a Christmas wishlist filled with gorgeous eyeshadow palettes since I need one to replace my very old Makeup Revolution Flawless palette!
I hope you enjoyed this post and don't forget to let me know if you also struggle with keeping up with trends and leave some eyeshadow palette recommendations as well so I can start doing my researching to decide which would be a better investment!
In case none of you know the reason for my recent absence, it's all due to the fact I'm moving! It's taken up a lot of my time recently, especially since I won't have to share a room with my siblings anymore, which means I finally get to decorate my bedroom as I please. And what better way to announce that I'm moving here on the blog than with a bedroom decor wishlist? I've been browsing some websites lately, looking for affordable yet cute home decor that I could actually afford with my paycheck (which is going for paying bills a lot more than I initially thought, but that's a subject for a whole other chatty post in the future). Everything in here is either from Primark, Ikea, H&M or Zara Home and nothing is over 20€ individually. I'll probably post a bedroom inspo post sometime in the near future, but for now I'll also leave you a link to my Home Inspo board on Pinterest so you can get an overall feel of what I want for my bedroom. So without any more chit chatting, take a look at my top picks for my bedroom!
First row: everything from Primark. The prices are 4€, 8€, 6€ and 4€.
Second row: everything from Ikea. The prices are 2.50€, 2.99€, 9.99€ and 3.99€ (for a pack of 8 hangers).
Third row: everything from Zara Home. The prices are 5.99€, 9.99€ and 5.99€.
Fourth row: everything from H&M Home. The prices are 5.99€, 6.99€, 7.99€ and 14.99€.
Let me know what your favourites are and if you have any suggestions of places to shop for affordable home decor, leave them down in the comments!
Seems like a long time until summer break, right? Believe it or not, mine will start in a little bit more than a month and a half, so I thought now would be the perfect time to start thinking about what I'm going to do while I'm off uni for three months.
I usually get really lazy during the summer, and I tend to just hibernate for those blessed three months where I have no obligations whatsoever. Sadly, I am getting a bit too old to not have any obligations, even if just for a short amount of time, so I had to find things to do this summer. And, of course, I had to share them with you guys!
My second summer plan is to travel as much as I possibly can. Personally, I haven't had the chance to travel abroad yet, since my family never really had the money to go on vacation abroad and we don't have any close relatives living abroad either. However, since I am already old enough to travel on my own, I'd love to travel a bit during the summer. So far, I think I can either go to Madrid or London, depending on what summer job I'll get and how much it will pay. Going to Madrid doesn't actually cost a lot of money, so I might do that on a random weekend and do a small road trip with my friends (it is a 5 hour ride from Lisbon to Madrid, after all).
The biggest issue is that I want to do a whole lot of a shopping, so I need to first get my paycheck so I can spend it well. As soon as I have the funds, you can bet I'll be exploring as much of Europe as I possibly can. London would be a dream come true, to be honest, but even the cheapest flights are over 60€, plus it couldn't just be a day trip like Madrid, so it would be a lot more expensive and I think I'll wait until next year for that (probably go in January, when I have my winter break from college and a lot of Christmas money in my pockets).
But Madrid will definitely be my goal and I will definitely go, so please tell me which clothing stores to visit! I already plan to go to Brandy Melville and Topshop, but I still want more brands I can't find in Portugal, so feel free to leave me your suggestions. I won't be doing a lot of tourism since we're not actually spending the night there, but I still want to try and visit a couple of places while I'm there, so leave suggestions for other cool places for me to check out in the comments!
My last current summer plan is to go out a lot more. I usually spent my summer locked inside, refusing all unnecessary contact with the human world because my bed was so much more comfortable and Tumblr was so much more entertaining. However, this summer I plan to get the best tan ever, to go out with my friends and family, to just have a good time and relax for a change, get some much needed fresh air. It's going to be hard, coming out of my shell like that, but I think it will also be a good thing.
Of course, none of these plans will mess up my posting schedule. I will still post three times a week and with all these new exciting things happening in my life, I'll be able to create more content for you guys to read, so overall summer 2015 will be a great time for my blog. And I will definitely come up with more stuff to do until summer is actually here, but for now this is all I got. What about you? What are your summer plans? Don't forget to tell me all about in the comments and also leave recommendations for more stuff I should do during the summer!
Happy 2015 everyone!! A new year means a new beginning and new goals, which is exactly what this post is all about. Today, I'll be talking about my 2015 resolutions, be it for this blog or for myself. Hopefully you can get some inspiration for your own resolutions!
1) Blog Goals
So, for the new year, I really want to take this blog to the next level. As you may know, I am currently attending college, which means I don't always have a lot of free time to work on this posts, but I'm determined not to let that become an excuse. You can count on a post every Monday as a sure thing, and I'm going to try and slowly build that up to two posts per week, it really depends on how busy I will be with the new semester that starts in February. But rest assured, this blog will not go inactive at any point of 2015.
I'm also hoping to post a lot more product reviews and hopefully even get companies to send me samples at some point. Giveaways are also something I'm hoping to start doing, more towards the end of 2015 (fingers crossed for some Christmas giveaways?). I definitely want more OOTD's to be posted here, so I'm contacting some friends of mine who are into photography. If everything goes according to plan, OOTD's will be that second post a week, since they're a lot easier to do.
Finally, I also have goals for all my social media. I hope to reach 100 followers on my Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest and Bloglovin. So far, I am a long way from reaching that goal, but I am confident I'll get there, with your help, of course. If I don't reach that goal, I won't be very bothered, because I'm not doing this for the numbers, but it would be nice to get feedback from so many people, so I can bring you better content each passing week.
2) Personal Goals
Unlike other years, where I found myself wishing for a boyfriend and magical weight loss, this year I feel like I have grown as an individual and I'm focusing solely on myself. This may sound odd and borderline selfish to some of you, but I really want to stop worrying so much about whether or not I find a boyfriend or if I reach those ideal 60kg.
Basically, this year, I want to make more friends (real friends, not the type you make out of convenience simply because you're forced to spend five days a week with them in class). I want to have good grades, but at the same time I want to go out and have fun, experience the world and enjoy my twenties, because I truly feel like I haven't done enough of that up until now. Be it due to my own insecurities or lack of positive people surrounding me, I have been too afraid to simply live my life in the moment and I fully intend to start doing that in 2015.
Although I won't be so obsessed with my weight, I do want to become healthier. I don't have an ideal weight in mind, nor do I care if I reach a certain weight, I simply want to feel healthy. In the past year, I did let myself go (not as much as I have in other years, but still) and I want to go back to the state of mind I had in 2013 about my body. I was truly confident about my appearance back then, even if I didn't weight those mythical 60kg, but I was no longer insecure and that's what I'm chasing after this year. In order to reach that goal, I'll be doing Blogilates' new Beginners Calendar all throughout January (like some of you may already know if you follow me on Twitter or Instagram) and I intend to keep doing Blogilates' videos to keep in shape all throughout the year.
Finally, I want 2015 to be the year where I do my absolute best at everything. No more slacking in college, blogging, or even friendships and getting healthier. I want to stop being afraid of following through with my decisions and, at the end of the year, I hope to be a more confident and happier person overall. But enough about me! I'm really curious to know what your 2015 resolutions are, so send them to me through Twitter, Instagram or leave a comment down below. If you happen to share a resolution with me (or even if you don't), we can work together to make sure 2015 will be an amazing year!
Although I'm really busy with uni, I decided to still keep this blog active (besides the Celeb Style Inspiration of the Week posts, of course), so I'll be posting throughout the week small posts. They can be related to just about anything, but it usually will revolve around beauty, fashion and lifestyle in general (sometimes even giving advice if any of you would like a particular subject?).
Today's post will just be really quick and simple and it will revolve around music. Everyone loves it and we honestly can't live without it either, it's always there for us in the sad times or the good times. And we are always looking for new favourite songs and new artists to fall for, so I decided to give you my favourite five songs of the moment. Although these aren't really by unknown artists (except the bonus song), they're really good songs that are perfect for my long tube rides to uni on these wintery days filled with rain. Here's my five most played songs, also some of my favourites:
Oblivion by Bastille
She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer
How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding
Demons by Imagine Dragons
Girls by The 1975
So I hope you guys like this and, as always, please leave a comment saying if you liked the post, if you liked one of the songs/artists and if you have a suggestion for a new post! Also, don't forget to follow so you can check out all new posts.
Hi, I'm Sara - just another girl in her twenties with a blog. I mostly focus on beauty and fashion, but you can also find a bit of lifestyle, some chatty posts and a few random bits here and there. Enjoy!